As a fifth grader, I became very self-conscious about my weight. I played basketball and football with the boys but I was a big girl. I think I used my size to feel tough. I wanted help so we enlisted my pediatrician. He put me on a diabetic meal program, which helped. I gained confidence and learned about portion control. My parents were super supportive and bought food that I could eat guilt-free. Then something happened and I stopped.
Throughout junior high and high school, I felt average though I knew I wasn't. I was well above my peers in weight but had found a niche in choir and musical theater and thus didn't concentrate so much on how I looked. I feel blessed for the friends I had that didn't seem to judge me even though I was the chunky one of the group.
Then college came and I went hog wild. I gained that freshman fifteen quite easily with daily slurpee runs. But, boy, did I make some funny friends. Up to this point, I hadn't really dieted except that stint back in fifth grade. I continued to gain and feel sad on the scale but didn't do much to lose, in fact I ate out far too much and wasn't nearly as active as I should have been. The summer of slurpees was also really fun. I had some great examples around me with friends that worked out daily and had hired trainers but I was fine being the lazy one.
Then I started dating my husband and in those 11 months, I hadn't gained much until I got on birth control. A month before my wedding, my dress was altered and ready to go. I did sit ups and other things in hopes of not experiencing the sad weight gain that I heard could come with the pill. The night before my wedding, I decided to try on my wedding dress. It wouldn't zip. I was mortified and so upset. I had gained about ten pounds. Thankfully, the seamstress who had done the alterations was heaven sent and had no problem with me coming by her place and she let out the seams while we visited. I was able to be comfortable on my wedding day but am still so ashamed that I had to have my dress fixed so close. I can't even imagine what would have happened if I wouldn't have listened to the thought to try it on.
So then let's fast forward two and a half years. Forty pounds bigger. I was definitely one of the stereotypical wives that let themselves go. I feel so bad for my husband. We had stints of exercise and watching what we ate but nothing long term enough to keep myself from such a terrible downward spiral. It was at my heaviest that I found out we were expecting our first child. I was terribly sick throughout the entire pregnancy. I also had gestational diabetes and consequently spent the last two and a half months being very strict with myself. At my six week appointment after the birth of our child, I weighed 50 pounds less than I had before getting pregnant and I felt amazing. I loved the way I looked, the way I felt, the way clothes fit. But by the little things I managed to gain a good portion of it back. I had been so strict for the last two and a half months of the pregnancy, I convinced myself that I could be lenient once the gestational diabetes was done. Again, so ashamed. It had the best jump start to continue weight loss and blew it.
So that brings us to today, I had reached my fattest yet again, but in the last five months I've managed to lose over ten pounds. The reason for this blog is to help motivate myself to continue down this weight loss path. The reason for sharing this weight loss journey: I needed to see that it really is the small things.
Slurpees. Greasy fast food. Soda. Donuts. Using food as a reward. Not exercising. Treats. Avoiding the good things.
...but, behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great [or terrible] things brought to pass...
Alma 37:6
The Lord’s message to us is “Take up your cross.” Take yourself the way you are, and lift yourself in the direction of the better. Regardless of where you have been, what you have done, or what you haven’t done, trust God. Believe in him. Worship him as you carry your cross with dignity and determination.
ReplyDelete(Marvin J Ashton)